


Keep Me Sane

by taffycandytie



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Depression, Fluff, Gay, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Masturbation, Mental Instability, Mental Institution, Public Display of Affection, Recreational Drug Use, Self Harm, Sexuality Crisis, Smut, Suicide Attempt, This first chapter is really angsty im sorry, bxb - Freeform, everyone's just out to tease each other to death, ill add more tags as I go, josh is overprotective, josh's confused, joshler - Freeform, tyler is a really sad boy, tyler is impatient, tyler's confused
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-01 13:01:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16765669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taffycandytie/pseuds/taffycandytie
Summary: Tyler's slowly losing his mind, hearing things, then seeing things, then thinking things, and his depression ends him up in the psyche ward with non other than Josh Dun.





	1. My Depressing Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> hey all I just  
> wanted to thank everyone who's reading this  
> It's not my first fic but it's my first Joshler fic that I also have up on my Wattpad.  
> I haven't written fics in forever so don't hesitate to tell me if I screw up.  
> these chapters will have a recurring dark feel to them, this one in particular with self harming/suicidal thoughts/suicide attempt  
> please keep that in mind

Hot tears streaked down the young man's face, sobs escaping his lips as he sat there, back against the wall. His throat was sore, his lips chapped, his face a heated blush and his dark eyes veiny and tinted red. This was the night he'd been fearing all his life. He knew he'd be here one day, but he just didn't want to be here now.

He'd lost his job, his wife had decide another person was who she wanted, his grandfather had passed on the week prior, his money was quickly depleting from the marijuana he'd become dependent on. Everything that he feared to come to be was coming down on him all at once. 

He was losing his mind. Constantly he could hear cracks and pops in his head, hearing noises of hissing and even what could be described as bells by him. His eyes had started faking him out, showing him figures and flames and glares that he knew couldn't be there. Reading up on the symptoms, he'd freaked out, spiraling into a worse depression in fear that he'd have to be declared insane. But he brushed that off. If he could make it through the days with just a few unnatural noises and fake figures, he could live.

But now he couldn't live. Now he couldn't go on another day. He'd come home from work for the last time that day; he'd expected to get a hug, to be able to vent all his troubles and be told that they'd work things out together. But no. He got to see the sight of the 'love of his life' cheating on him with another man. In fact, it wasn't even a man. It was a woman. He couldn't have believed what he had seen; thinking back on it now, fist clenching around his dark strands of hair, he wished he would've actually yelled at them and not just taken things so quietly. He needed to be strong. To have a backbone. Yet he was nothing.

He would never be anything. That's why he was here now, a steak knife and a glock sitting on the coarse carpet in front of his bare feet. He had to. This was the one time he could prove to everyone they should've treated him better. That he did have the courage to do what he needed to do. That he did mean something to them, and whether they realized it now or not, they were going to miss him when he was gone. They were. They were. They were.

Now he really was sobbing, groaning as he let the back of his head hit the whitewall. His face felt numb. It was hot. He was burning up in his room, the door shut, the window locked and his bed a mess. His floor wasn't any cleaner than his mattress, but it'd do. This seemed the perfect place to die in his mind. He'd stain the expensive carpet in his room, but did it matter? He'd be gone. Whoever lived in this house after him could just tear out the carpet. That's when it occurred to him. His note. He'd forgotten to write a note.

It wasn't necessary, sure, but these would be his last words. He'd never get to say anything besides these; he'd be gone forever. The brunette stood up, his legs wobbly and shaking at the knees as he wandered over to his cluttered dresser. He grabbed a pen and ripped a piece of paper out of a pad he'd been using originally to keep a schedule to organize what he'd do through the day, but that wouldn't be necessary anymore either. Today was his last day. The last sunrise he'd see, and right now was the last moon rise he'd see. He choked, a bit, the thoughts meaning more to him than he thought they would. Last night he'd seen the full moon set for the last time; he never thought in a few hours he'd be here, frantic and sobbing.

As he sat back down in his original spot, he stopped crying for a moment, staring into space, or really just staring at the guitar sitting on the floor across the room. He wasn't crying, but he was more sad than when he was for some reason. His head hurt. It was throbbing and his eyes were burning and pink. He was a mess. A complete and utter mess.

He took a bitter breath, setting the paper on his thigh and beginning to write. Tear drops stained the notebook paper, tears that were just now falling off of his chin. This was really it. This was really happening. His heart was hammering and his chest was tight as his hand danced across the paper, writing the note in a similar fashion to all those poems he always wrote. The last stanza was his favorite; he hoped it'd be the punch to those who'd mistreated him again and again.

I thought I had family  
I thought I had friends  
But those were the ones  
Who betrayed me in the end

He signed his name down in the bottom, his hand shaky as he wrote, 'Tyler Joseph.' 

He was satisfied with it although it wasn't his best work. It was rushed; he just needed to get a point across, not make them play guessing games as to what he had meant. He wanted them to know. To know they put him here and did this to him. 

He took another deep breath. He loved poetry. It calmed him. But then he frowned. This was his suicide note. His letter letting everyone around him know he was letting go and why. A thought occurred that he wasn't going to get to write more after this. So he turned it around, adding a section that wasn't in a poem form. The writing was all over the place, not really correctly spaced or indented at all. But could you blame him? He was just glad he could think of what to say.

I'm sorry if you had to findme here.  
It's gross isnt it?  
The human body. It's just going to decay when it's mind shuts off.  
But I would have decayed eventuallyright? 

The brunette tapped his pen on his thigh. His last words. Did he really want to make them feel guilty their whole life? He didn't really. He'd just make them miserable; he surprisingly didn't wish that on them. So he tried to disguise his disdain for them.

I just couldnt take another day.  
Things were breaking down on me anyways sotoday was just the breaking point  
I wish you could've helped me more. I could really use ahug right now.

He paused at that. He really could use a hug right now. He wanted one. Really badly. He felt starved of affection and love. He sighed, continuing.

But it's alright.  
I'm going to be happy and I'll be fine  
Please take careofyourselves  
Iloveyou

The sobbing started again at that. But he halted himself. He couldn't be a baby. But he really wanted to see his family one last time. He wouldn't be here to see there reaction to all of this. So he closed his eyes; took a deep breath, and tried to imagine what it'd be like for them. If they'd cry, if they'd mourn, if they'd care.

He let out the air in his lungs with a sigh, his wet eyelashes fluttering open again as he stared at the lamp illuminating the otherwise dark room. "They're not gonna care. They won't. They'll move on and they won't remember me," he whimpered, his voice cracking as he spoke. 

This was it. This was all the 29 years of his life would bring him. No child, no fame, no success, no love, no friend. His birthday was near as well; he couldn't help but fantasize what it'd be like if they found his dead body on his birthday. That's what he wished, and that's what he thought would happen anyways. He was alone now. Nobody was going to come inside without him inviting them. And of course his parents and siblings would probably end up barging in on him, only to find his rotting corpse. He sneered. Gross.

He looked to the weapons lying down before him. He leaned down, picking up the blade in his frail hands. Knife or gun? Gun wouldn't hurt as long, and knife would hurt like all hell. But he was unsure. His parents had always told him he was lying about cutting himself. They said the scars were the cat, the dog, or even him just falling down during basketball. He wanted to prove to all that his rants to them wasn't just him being petty and useless. That he had been telling the truth when he'd come to his family for help and told them of his self-harm and abuse. Besides, Tyler wasn't even sure if the gun was loaded and had no idea how it worked to check if it did in fact have a bullet inside.

So he did exactly what he wanted with the knife. At first, he didn't drag the knife along the vein vertically, but instead just broke the skin on his upper arm, underneath his bicep and near his tattoo. He flinched, biting hard on his lip as to keep himself from crying. His breathing became unsteady as he watched the blood ooze out of the small cut in his flesh. It wasn't gushing, but Tyler was mesmerized by it. Horrified actually. It stung. It stung really, really badly. He'd accidentally cut himself there recently; the scar hadn't completely healed and the skin was tender and opened easy along the new cut, as well as the scar issue. His adrenaline was supposed to be dulling the pain he thought, not making it more intense. 

His dark eyes went wide. He furrowing his brows in worry as he watched the life-sustaining substance dribble down his tanned arm. Maybe he should just hang himself.. There'd be less blood involved. But he shook the thought, instead throwing the dirtied knife aside so it made a thud against the carpet and picking up the glock. He didn't want that stinging sensation. It hurt; it made him uncomfortable. The gun he now held was a surprisingly nice one. It had been his grandfather's. And now here he was, the barrel of the gun that had belonged to the man he missed so much pointed to his face so quickly.

He stared at it, going crosseyed as he did so. This was hard. This was so so hard. He didn't want to die. He just wanted his troubles to end. He finger was tense on the trigger after he cocked it, his heart hammering, his throat dry, his breathing uncontrollably quick. He couldn't do it. He couldn't do it. He had had to do it though. A mournful sob sounded form his quivering lips. This was all he had to do. Why was he like this?

He cried out, loudly, practically screaming. He wanted help. He wanted someone to come and save him. This wasn't how he wanted to end, by his own hand. The gun fell to the floor. He felt insane. He was. He wanted to be taken away to a hospital, to be soothed and to be made happy again. He missed happy. That was the one emotion that hadn't seen the light of day in him for a long time. 

Nobody responded to his cry. So he tried again, screaming for help. For someone to help him get a grip and remember that he has some sanity left in him.

He could call an ambulance. They could help him. They could come save him from himself. His hues dashed to his phone that sat only inches away.

His mocha brown eyes grew heavy, the tired pupils blown wide as they strived for more light.  
No.  
He'd already made up his mind. This had to happen now. 

A shaky breath escaped his lips as he picked up the gun again, tentatively pointing it back towards his head. His eyes crossed yet again as he stared at the firearm. He still had a chance. He didn't know if a bullet was even in it; he might not die. But he might. Oh god, he just might.

He clenched his eyes shut, his head pressed against the wall and the gun pressed against his forehead. "Just countdown, Tyler, it's not that hard," he breathed, his face contorting as he started crying again. "Just countdown." His words turned from a nice flow to being choked out as he started sobbing again. 

He didn't count down. He sat there, gun to his brain. He took a deep breath, not talking as quietly as before. He wanted to be loud, just in case someone had heard his scream and didn't know where he was. "It won't last forever, so just fucking do it!" He ended his sentence screaming furiously at himself, his teeth bared and gritting together. 

So he did it. He did what he told himself to do. He quickly pulled the trigger, expecting something, anything. Even if the bullet wasn't in, at least a noise. But nothing. Slowly, one veiny eye opened, looking to the firearm pressed in between his eyes. His breathing slowed, his heart still hammering as he leaned against the wall, eyes wide and terrified.

"Empty," he breathed, throwing the gun to the side. He leaned over, hiding his eyes with his hands as he sobbed uncontrollably.

He needed help. The phone was right there. He needed to call someone. Anyone. If his family found out he was in the psyche ward of a hospital, maybe that'd be enough of an eye opener for them that he was telling the truth about all of his pain. Maybe he didn't have to do this. 

Tyler looked to his suicide note, stained and dripping his own blood from the cut on his arm. He picked it up, tentatively holding it in front of his face to study it. What if he was actually just dead? What if this was all just his soul's sight? That could've been it. He liked to think that's what it was. That would mean he didn't have to worry anymore. 

Some part of him that he didn't want to admit to knew that he was indeed alive. That his lungs were inhaling and exhaling and his heart was beating the blood through his system. He wished that wasn't the case. 

A sigh escaped his lips, melting into a whine as his head rolled to the side and stared at his phone. 

He had to get help before he tried again.


	2. Snowflakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler meets Josh and makes paper snowflakes with him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a much more light hearted chapter

The room was creepy. Whoever Tyler had shared it with had a twisted sense of decoration. Small, cutout black paper skulls were thread together with string and hung everywhere; drawings and depictions of disturbing scenarios were scattered all over the floor near his 'roommates' bed. And that was all of the decorating.  
  
The rest of the interior was just a mess; apparently the nurses had tried to clean it everyday, but he just made a bigger mess of paper every time. It seemed that he was making paper snowflakes. Lots of them. Tyler could spot a spool of string on the other's nightstand; he could assume that someday soon his shared hospital room would be decorated with snowflakes of paper.

Oh yeah, and the brunette had been admitted into the mental institution. They had seemed eager to help him, to nurse his self-inflicted wounds and soothe his anguish. He liked it. They'd come up with some sort of early diagnoses for him, but they weren't sure just yet. He didn't remember it if he was to be honest; all he remembered was having a panic attack over it. 

But he was here. He felt safe from his demons, from his fears, from the outside world. His mind could do no harm to him here. Or at least, so he tried to make himself believe. 

The one thing he hadn't thought of was his roommate. What they'd be like, who'd they be, how noisy they'd be.. But today was going to be his first full day in the building; he hadn't gotten a glimpse of his roommate. Yet.

He'd ended up driving himself here although he was in no condition to do so, what with his drowsiness and sadness. It'd been in the early AM, and they gladly took him in when he explained and was presented with papers. They'd cleaned his wounds and scratches, let him take a shower, gotten him a short sleeping gown like all the hospital patients had, and gave him water to drink and a small bit of food to eat before showing him his room. His roommate was asleep; when they'd opened the door he'd made a noise of discontentment and buried his face in his pillow, the dark also not helping in Tyler being able to see anything about him. He slept that night better than he ever had, just knowing he was going to be taken care of .

Tyler woke up early though. It was about 8; his eyes were no longer veiny and red. He was bored. His mind was hissing, laughing, whispering, making clicking noises in his ears. He'd become accustomed to waking up to this over the past few months. Maybe he should've mentioned it to someone before it became a consistent issue, but he really didn't think it was a big deal. It scared him, yes, but what was a little scare here and there?

He furrowed his brows, blinking rapidly to get rid of the odd geometric shapes clouding his vision. He sighed, turning his head to look at his roommate.

The other man was still asleep, a pillow shoved over his face and Tyler didn't dare try to lift if just in case the male was actually awake and would glare up at him. So the brunette crawled out of the hospital bed and sat on the rug in between their mattresses, deciding he wanted to help make some snowflakes as well even if the sleeping boy hadn't asked him about it yet.

The paper cut easily with the safety scissors; Tyler felt like a little kid having to have everything proofed so he couldn't hurt himself. But it didn't bother him as he folded the sheets and cut squares and triangles and arches in them, unfolding them to reveal beautiful designs. He smiled to himself as he folded another piece, finding it surprisingly relaxing to do so.

Making intricate patterns was entertaining; he'd be sure to try all different types of cuts and shapes in the folded paper, only for them to end up looking like something entirely different when he finished. It made sense to him why someone would take time and just spend an hour working on these.

Dull sunlight filtered in through the slightly open blinds of the window; Tyler sat up, turning his head so he could see. It was a stormy day, the sun already partially blocked by dark, ominous clouds. He sighed, turning back to continue the little craft he'd started.

"Are those my scissors?"

Tyler looked up quickly, noticing the man sitting up in his bed. His eyes went wide; he hadn't noticed him even wake up. "Um- no, no. These're from the box over there."

The man wrinkling his nose. Tyler was entranced by him. He hated to say it, but damn, he thought his guy was good looking. His hair was wild and had an unnatural coloring of aqua to it, some turquoise added in as a highlight; his eyes were dark and chocolate, his jaw was sharp, and his lips were thin yet looked smooth. Piercings decorated his ears and nose. Tyler was smitten. Maybe it was just because he'd been cheated on and he wanted love again, but it really didn't hurt that this guy seemed to be of a muscular build; Tyler was a bit jealous since he was just a scrawny guy with barely any muscle.

"Why're you using my paper?"

Tyler was a bit nervous to say the least. Had he done something wrong? "I just... I woke up early and I was bored," he mumbled, setting a half-finished snowflake on the floor. 

The young male nodded, clearly still just waking up. He sighed. Tyler watched. "I thought Mark was coming back," he murmured after a quick second of silence.

The brunette didn't reply; he hadn't realized he was being talked to. When he looked up again, his roommate was staring at him. His face flushed red. "Oh, uh-" he just shrugged. "I don't know who Mark is I'm- I'm sorry."

"Of course you don't know Mark, you're replacing Mark," he scoffed, yawning, furrowing his brows as he did so. "He left yesterday." He shot a glare to Tyler. "You're not gonna just leave me too, are you?"

The skinny boy gulped. The handsome boy seemed worried. Maybe he'd been here for a long time? That didn't explain how his hair looked freshly dyed. "No, I uh-" he cleared his throat, standing up and setting the scissors on the end table in between their beds. "I don't think I'm leaving any time soon." He climbed onto his bed, sitting on the mattress and watching his new acquaintance with interest. "I'm Tyler."

"I'm tired too."

"No, my name is Tyler."

"I heard you."

The boy went quiet. His roommate was weird. That maybe should've been expected, but it just made him feel a bit silly when the man seemed to smile for a minute. 

The elder boy grumbled something inaudible, resting his elbow on his pillow and propping his head up with his palm while lying down on his side to face Tyler. "I'm sorry, I'm Joshua," he spoke with a quick, cheery smile. 

"Is 'Josh' fine?" Tyler hummed, quirking a brow. 

Josh shrugged, nodding groggily. "That's what everyone calls me. I'm just being fancy."

Tyler cleared his throat again. He wanted to learn about Josh. He seemed nice. A bit odd with his emotions. But nice. If he was going to be stuck with him for a few weeks or maybe even months with how bad of a place his mind was in, he might as well befriend who he could. "So- how long have you been here?"

"A year in a few months."

Tyler furrowed his brows. "I thought.. Don't they let people go after a month or so?"

A chuckle escaped Josh's lips, his brow quirking. "Not everyone." He seemed amused by Tyler now. The brunette didn't like feeling like he was stupid. "Depends how crazy you are."

Tyler froze, his eyes going wide. Shit. "How long am I gonna be here?"

"Well," Josh began but paused, looking upwards as he thought. "They wouldn't have put you with me if you weren't gonna be here for awhile.." He shrugged again. "A few months? I don't know. Why're you in here?"

At first, Tyler didn't respond to Josh's question. He just stared at the attractive male before him.   
'A few months? I can't stay here a few months. I need to find a job, and I need to get divorce papers signed, and I at least need a suitcase here with all my stuff in it. What about my family? How will they even know I'm here? When can I even call them? Can I call them?'

This was hell now. Josh seemed confused by Tyler's sudden expression of panic. He sat up, moving off of his bed. The brunette's breath hitched; he looked up to Josh as he was still sitting legs crossed on his own mattress. 

"You know how to get rid of anxiety?" he hummed, his voice soothing and calm. 

Tyler swallowed hard. Josh had seen his worry, his stress. Somehow, he was treating him with even more kindness than his family had. "How?" He was practically whispering.

Josh reached over, grabbing the safety scissors Tyler'd set down and holding them up. He smiled a wide, toothy grin. "Make snowflakes with me."

Tyler giggled. He giggled. It was cute; he hadn't found anything even remotely amusing the past few weeks. "Don't we have something we have to do?"he questioned, gently taking the child's scissors from Josh's hand.

The aqua-haired boy chuckled as well, a rather pretty laugh in Tyler's opinion, and sat on the rug, picking up the unfinished snowflake the brunette'd be working on when he woke up. He shook his head, the gown he wore that was similar to Tyler's riding up enough to reveal the hem of Josh's tight, black boxers. The brunette blushed lightly. "We've got breakfast in a bit, but we have a few minutes," he responded nonchalantly, folding a paper until it was a small square and began snipping at the edges from another pair of scissors that'd been lying underneath Josh's bed. 

Tyler hummed a response, hesitantly getting up to sit down on his knees beside Josh. Well, he was talking to his roommate at least. But the boy seemed to be so relaxed about everything; Tyler felt odd and out of place. He didn't pick up a piece of the thin material, instead he just watched Josh work on his own. That's when a swirl of colors caught the brunette's attention. "I like your tattoo," he murmured, feeling just a little awkward around his roommate now.

"I like yours too," he mumbled, clearly not too interested in the conversation now that he was cutting away at the folded paper.

Tyler furrowed his brows, looking down to his bony wrist with the three black lines following his skin wrapped tightly around the bone. Josh glanced to it as well without the taller boy's notice. "You've got a lot of them," he commented, his dark eyes scanning over the several lines spaced out on Tyler's left arm and the odd symbols and patterns on his right.

"I've got more," he remarked, finally beginning to make his own little snowflake and Josh continuing on his own. "Two on my chest and two on my bicep."

Josh nodded. The scrawny boy would've thought his talk bored him. But Josh continued on the small talk with a suddenly exuberant and overly excited tone. "Dude, you should show me some time," he spoke, way more interested and giddy than he was two seconds prior.

Tyler smiled softly, his brows furrowing with a hint of concern and confusion. The other sure liked to change the tone of a conversation from one thing to another. But even if he did have an ailment of slight bipolar, that was no excuse to lock him away for a whole year. Josh certainly didn't seem manic. It was just a subtle switch in his tone. Nothing to be alarmed about. Or maybe he didn't even have bipolar disorder. Maybe that was just something he did on purpose. Tyler wasn't well versed on mental illnesses, but he was pretty sure this just meant that Josh had an odd fluctuating personality; he hadn't known him long enough to diagnose him with any sort of mania. Or maybe he did have it. He didn't know.

Tyler coughed a bit, completely changing the subject. "Why're you here?" 

"I asked you first and you never answered me."

The boy took a deep breath, furrowing his brows. He wasn't going to go into detail. "They mentioned some other stuff, but I'm pretty sure it's just for depression.. Anxiety.. It's just a suicide attempt."

Josh frowned, suddenly looking to Tyler. The brunette squeaked, flinching as though he expected to be hit. "There shouldn't be a 'just' in that sentence," he scoffed, quickly softening his expression and sighing. "I'd say it's your own life, but it's not just yours."

Tyler was about to retort something to that, but Josh seemed interested in keeping the peace and swiftly interrupted him. "I'm here because I've got a ghost in my head."

Tyler shrugged, cutting a triangle on the edge of the paper in his hands. "You don't seem crazy to me."

"I'm not."

Their eyes met, each looking out of the corner of their eyes. 

"You just said you had a ghost in your head."

"Yeah."

"Oh.. Oh I thought you meant that as in- you were insane."

"I'm not."

Josh smiled. Tyler smiled. It was awkward for the brunette. The boy with discolored hair had no trouble feeling comfortable in the situation. 

However, the skinny boy was confused. A ghost in his head? Did he mean as in a demon? Or was he just brushing off his issues on to possession? Or maybe he really was possessed. Tyler narrowed his eyes, watching Josh as he continued his little craft project.   
Nah. He definitely wasn't possessed. Maybe he was a bit delusional, but so was Tyler. Besides, he seemed confident in himself. A bit creepy sometimes, but Tyler could deal with that. 

He could spend a few months with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit iffy on this  
> im just posting the ones I've already got ready, but seriously, feedback inspires me and helps me write what you guys feel is good, so I'd high appreciate it


	3. Disturbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh wants Tyler to be gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so first i just need to say thank you for the kudos and the comments already  
> seriously it just makes me happy and feel more inspired to write  
> so thank you guys!  
> this chapter has drug use and reference in it also

One day.

Only one day was gone.

According to Josh, he still had about 12 more months of time to waste with him. Fun.

Speaking of Josh, he had helped the brunette so much already in the one day they'd known each other. Most of the day was spent with him talking to a therapist, getting to know the building, and trying out these relaxation techniques he'd been taught, but when he did get a chance to hang out with his roommate, he made it fun. 

Not only had he made it easy to relax during meals in the dining hall, but he also made the exercise they were supposed to do fun by sneaking off with the brunette to go start a craft of whatever he'd come up with that they never finished. That was great and all, but what Tyler was really thankful for was a bit more important in his mind than that.

Tyler's addiction to marijuana was satisfied; Josh somehow had managed to get him some when he came in the room with a small ziplock bag of the dried plant after he'd left to go get 'water' during their down time. He'd done this after Tyler'd mentioned his addiction and want of the drug; he was as excited as a kid when Josh handed it to him. He'd told him, "This one time," but the brunette hoped that Josh would get him more soon.

The one complaint Tyler had was that the weed had to be smoke with a joint, not a bong like he'd been accustomed to. It was still smoking it, but he wasn't used to rolling the paper so Josh did it for him, even though the boy claimed he'd never smoked it before. Yeah. Right. 

Right now, Tyler was smiling stupidly, still dazed from a small hit as he helped Josh string up the snowflakes their nurse had given them permission to put up. 

"Tyler."

"Mm, what?"

"Stop taping the snowflakes," he grumbled, reaching over and pulling the tape Tyler'd just smoothed out over the paper against the wall.. "Tape the string."

Tyler yawned, his eyes half open as he tried to focus. It was hard. Clicks and hissing noises were going off in his head along with the fact that the drug was making him feel fuzzy, and the evening was late. They'd already eaten dinner; now it was quiet time. The time they were to settle down and sleep. Not hang up ridiculous paper snowflakes all over the room. "Josh, can't we finish this tomorrow?" he whined, stepping down off of the chair and earning a glare from his new friend. Well.. Half friend. He didn't know where they stood.

"Jesus, you're such a baby," the boy scoffed, giving him a sidewise glance and rolling his eyes.

Tyler turned off the lights except for the lamp sitting on the end table, climbing into his bed and watching Josh tape the last few designs on the wall, listening to the laughter in his mind as he did so. They'd gotten two faces of the room down; only two to go. He watched as Josh stepped off of his chair, seeming to be pouting as he sat on his own bed. 

They stared at each other for a minute. Tyler sighed, grabbing his blanket and wrapping it around him to keep him warm. He'd learned very little about Josh today. The boy knew everything about him, but he knew nothing of the aqua-haired boy other than he too had a sort of depression and anxiety. That didn't explain his constant changing of tone in conversation. He must've had some sort of mild bipolar disorder, but it just seemed like such a little detail. Then again, he'd overheard something or another about manic depression and bipolar disorder being of the same thing, just different name. So he really didn't know where the fuzzy line started and ended between the two. Josh'd also mentioned a "ghost in his head" when they first met, but when Tyler asked about it again, the boy looked at him like he was from another planet. It was odd. 

"You get cocky when your high," Josh randomly remarked, watching Tyler with interest. "I like you better when you're all shy and cute."

The brunette was sobering out right now. Sure, he was a bit dazed, but he could still comprehend things. Most things at least. "Well, maybe I like being a cocky asshole," he retorted, yawning as he tried to hide his bare feet to keep them warm.

Josh quirked a brow, glancing to the ziplock bag sitting on the ground. He smirked deviously, looking back to his tired and hazy roommate. "You're almost out already, addict."

Tyler shrugged, sighing and rubbing his bloodshot eyes as he lay down, eyes gently shut as he rested on the cushy pillow. "You'll get me more."

"I will?" Josh snickered shrugging and watching Tyler's form intently. "I got you some because you were nice to me. I don't like 'cocky asshole' Tyler." He quirked a brow, ruffling his wild blue hair and giving a toothy smirk. "And your eyes don't look as pretty when they're bloodshot."

The brunette made an odd noise at that, frowning although his lids were shut. Josh smirked. Tyler opened one eye, glaring at his friend. He needed to get more eventually. 

"Treat me nice and I'll get you some." Josh just chuckled, knowing exactly what his friend's glare meant.

Tyler grunted at that, turning his back to Josh, yet speaking up. "I'd rather suck your dick first." Had he been completely intelligible again, he wouldn't have said that; that was all the weed talking.

Josh took it as an offer, taking an eraser that'd been on the end table from one of their previous 'art projects' and throwing it at Tyler's back. The boy whined loudly, curling up and hugging himself. "If you're not careful, I'll take you up on that," he threatened playfully.

"Ew," Tyler grumbled, turning just to grab the eraser and throwing it back. He wrinkled his nose, his head turned just so he could see that Josh was still watching him intently. He quirked a brow. They'd acted like they'd been best friends their whole life today; talking about every little thing about them. Well, everything about Tyler at least. Maybe Josh was desperate for a friend, maybe Tyler just wanted a true friend. But he didn't see the problem in asking one more question. "Are you gay?" he inquired, an actual question more than a teasing retort from their banter.

Josh chuckled at that. He slouched over a bit, holding his chin in his palm as he spoke. "Dunno. Are you?"

The brunette rolled his eyes, resting his head back down on the pillow so he didn't have to be eye to eye with the other. "I asked you first," he spat, not really in the mood to get roundabout answers to his questions. Maybe he really should try to stop taking the marijuana; damn did it make him impatient and made the noises even more unbearable whenever they showed up.

"Then yeah." Josh stood up off of his mattress and Tyler quickly turned to see where he was going. He was just grabbing a water bottle from the small counter the tv of the room sat on. "You are too, right?"

Tyler's eyes got a bit wide. It sounded like Josh was insinuating something by the tone of his voice. For once, the brunette's meek side returned; it made Josh snicker underneath his breath as the boy sat up. "I don't know," he mumbled.

"That's not an answer," Josh hummed, standing over Tyler and handing him the water bottle after he'd taken a sip of it. Tyler didn't question it, popping off the cap and gulping a bit down. It really did surprisingly clear his mind. "You said your wife cheated on you with another girl right?" Josh spoke up with an over the top and overly excited tone, as if he was a child telling his best friend of their new toy. Tyler'd gotten used to him randomly doing that throughout the day, although he still didn't see anything particularly frightening about the boy.

The mention of his wife, or soon to be ex-wife, made the tips of his ears burn a bit. Josh didn't really have a filter sometimes, but Tyler wasn't offended, and neither was it an actual offense, so it didn't matter right now. "Yeah," he confirmed, curious at to where this was going.

"So get revenge and cheat on her with another boy." Josh crossed his arms; his smile went wide. It shouldn't have been creepy, but in Tyler's mind it was.

The brunette just laughed nervously, shrugging as he took another swig of the water bottle to give him time to think of what to say. "We're still legally married, Josh," he chuckled awkwardly, shrugging. "I don't want to be an asshole."

A roll of the eyes from the elder boy wasn't what the younger expected. A sigh escaped the boy with the turquoise hair as he looked at the brunette with hooded eyes. "Dude, she cheated on you. She's probably cheating on you right now. You wouldn't be an asshole." All the cheer previously in his voice disappeared.

"But I shouldn't, because then she'll feel bad."

"Tyler," Josh began calmly, his head lolling to the side. "She made you feel bad, right?"

The brunette nodded, setting the water bottle down on his cushy mattress. It rolled; the boy tried to focus on that rather than Josh's face. Not that he wouldn't stare at it for hours on end, just- he didn't like being lectured by anyone. 

"So if she feels bad that you're gay, she can't call you out about it."

Tyler laughed, furrowing his brows and looking to Josh in disbelief. "Do you just really wanna be jacked off right now?" The shorter boy seemed much too impertinent about Tyler being gay and Tyler cheating on his wife... Who, yes, pushed him to almost ending his own life, but he didn't know what she'd think if she found out he'd fallen in love with another man. Or maybe not even love, if he just hooked up with a man. He shouldn't have cared what she thought; he did.

Josh tried to fight the smile that came over his expression in vain. He shrugged, not breaking eye contact with the brunette. "Maybe I do. Or-" he gestured toward Tyler with his hand. "Maybe I think you should think of what you want, and not what she wants."

"But I'd be cheating," Tyler protested. "Cheaters are disgusting."

Josh's eyes went wide. He looked irritated. Tyler wanted to shrink. "Jesus, you two are getting a divorce, right?"

Tyler nodded quietly.

"The only reason you can't follow through with it is because you're here, so who fucking cares."

The skinny male cleared his throat. It did kinda make sense. But he didn't want to risk being pegged as a cheater. It was gross and disgusting. But again, it wasn't like he had any intimacy with her anymore. So maybe he could find someone here to love him and not feel guilty?

Tyler shrugged, chuckling and earning a look of confusion from Josh. "I still think you're just horny."

The older frowned, but soon smiled slightly. He seemed nonchalant about the comment. "It happens sometimes," he brushed off, sitting on the edge of his bed, his toes touching the navy rug that rested between the two mattresses.. "Have you ever kissed a boy before?"

The taller rolled his eyes, crinkling his nose to stress his disgust that wasn't actually there. "No. And I'm not gonna kiss you."

"I never said anything about us kissing."

"Whatever."

Josh looked up from where he'd been staring at the rug, biting his bottom lip as their eyes met. "Boys have softer lips," he added on.

The brunette didn't believe that. First of all, he knew it couldn't have been true. Second, Josh was just coming off as desperate to get off by another hand than his own. Tyler didn't come here to fuck around with his roommate. He came for help. He didn't really know what Josh expected out of him, but he wasn't going to touch another again until he was confident enough in himself. "I didn't think I had soft lips," he teased, curling his legs up and hugging them into his chest when Josh laid down on his side. 

"I wouldn't know." Josh laughed at that. Tyler's eyes went wide and showed his discomfort. It wasn't that funny. Neither was it that disturbing. But to Tyler, when Josh had those odd moments it was just disturbing and uncomfortable. He didn't like it.

"Don't kill me in my sleep," he muttered, his confidence, yet still overly instilled from the drug, wavering. He pulled the covers up to his neck, burying his face in the pillow almost so that he couldn't breathe. 

"Be nice to me when you wake up," the other retorted, reaching over to shut off the light. 

Tyler shivered. 

One day and he already had a creepy ass roommate who sounded like he had some sort of odd thoughts about him. He didn't even know if he liked men. Sure, he thought Josh was hot, and he'd gladly kiss him some day. A day they knew each other for more than 24 hours. It just seemed ridiculous. Maybe it was just Josh's weird charm, but Tyler was fine with him being creepy. As long as he didn't try anything too weird, there was no harm done. 

Tyler didn't really sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Jenna so much and I feel bad for using her like this in the plot  
> suggestions and thoughts are greatly appreciated  
> if something seems wrong or too fast or if I misspelled or anything don't be afraid to point it out to me


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh takes things the wrong way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's not really noncon in this chapter but josh just gets the wrong idea  
> also there's smut reference but not actual smut  
> as you've noticed I've published two chapters today  
> I've got like five more chapters ready after this one  
> I think in like the next one or the next two I have smut?   
> not between them but yeah yeah you'll see  
> I'll probably add a few more new chapters before then because i don't want this to seem unprofessional and rushed to you guys because it does to me

Breakfast was awkward. 

The cafeteria usually felt calm and collected; it wasn't like a highschool cafeteria where teens would be running around screaming and throwing food, it was just the patients that were stable enough to walk and be among others eating. Yes, there was talk, but not a lot of it and it was quiet. Tyler always liked meals because of how nice the plush seats felt and how surprisingly decent the food was. But this meal was just uncomfortable.

Josh was acting like he was last night, all interested and staring at Tyler. He didn't have a reason to. They'd talked for a short time about whether Tyler was gay or not, and Josh seemed to assume immediately that he was, and it brought out this possessive, weird side of him that he'd given no hint to prior to the conversation.

They sat together at one of the many circular tables, Tyler staring forward and refusing to look at his roommate he was not-so-subtly staring at him. The brunette hesitantly looked to the boy out of the corner of his eyes, quickly looking away when their eyes met and Josh smiled. If he died tonight, they should start the investigation with him.

What did he think Tyler thought of him? That the brunette liked him? Not to say he didn't.. It just was so uncalled for how Josh was acting on their second day together. He didn't dare talk to a nurse about it; although it was creepy, it was just a bit flattering. Just a little bit. Someone as attractive of Josh found him to be cute; it made him feel special. Like prey too, but also special.

"Ty," Josh hummed, tapping his shoulder and snapping him out of his thoughts.

Tyler quickly looked to him, eyes widened slightly as he nodded. "What?" he asked after he'd swallowed the cereal he'd been chewing on. He was prepared for an insane question.

"You don't think I'm weird do you?"

Tyler blinked. What did he really think?  
Yes. I think you're weird, but you're hot too, so I'm just going along with it.

"No. No, I don't think you're weird at all. A bit blunt but not weird." That was a lie; Josh seemed to catch on.

"I feel like I made you uncomfortable last night," he explained. Others were sitting at the small table as well; Tyler's face went red as one of them seemed to glance to them at that. It sounded odd out of context. Many things out of context with 'last night' could be taken the wrong way.

Tyler quickly shook his head, gently kicking Josh's ankle with his foot, hoping he'd get the hint that this wasn't the time. "It's fine, Josh, it's fine," he assured shyly, scratching at his neck as he took a drink of his lemonade.

But the elder boy didn't get the hint. He went on, resting his hand on Tyler's thigh. His thigh that was bare since the gown he wore rode up and exposed his boxers. He choked on his drink, prickles going through his tanned skin as he quickly set it down and wiped his lips. His mocha eyes went wide, shooting a look to Josh as he spoke. "I just don't want you to think that I'm crazy or anything," he whispered.

Tyler's hand subtly slipped under the table, gripping Josh's hand that was resting on his warm skin and gently moving it off. The boy didn't seem to see what he'd done wrong. He looked to Tyler with big eyes, looking down to his hand, then the brunette. It made Tyler think of a dog, but that didn't mean he was okay with it.

"Uh, how about we just agree to wait until later for that?" Tyler uttered, trying to say quiet so nobody would catch on to their speaking as he twirled his spoon in his bowl.

"For what?"

Tyler gestured toward his thigh with his hand, pulling down oversized shirt as much as he could only to see his upper leg would still be expose. Josh's face went to shock before he started laughing a bit. Tyler gave him an odd look and took another bit of his cereal. He didn't see anything funny.  
  
"Seriously?" he giggled. The taller boy was confused, a small, forced smile appearing on his expression just to make sure Josh wouldn't feel bad. But the hand from before was back on his thigh; Tyler's smile faltered into a look of annoyance. He liked getting touched, whether it was intimately or not, but he didn't know Josh. He knew nothing about him except that he had a screw loose in his head.

Tyler blinked, deciding not to bother touching Josh's hand. He'd probably end up taking it the wrong way anyways. "Seriously what?" he inquired, genuinely confused as the what the boy was on about.

The older just smiled a sweet grin. There was no malice in it; Josh just seemed to be happy. Tyler didn't understand why, but he was happy. "I meant, are you serious?"

"About what?" he whisper-shouted. The brunette furrowed his brows. He didn't know what Josh was talking about. For all he know, the male could be think that Tyler was asking to be murdered by him. 

"That." He rubbed his thumb over Tyler's inner thigh; who could blame the brunette for his next reaction.

His eyes were blown wide; he quickly pushed Josh's hand away. The boy didn't seem to take any offense to it, he just looked scared to Tyler's response, his eyes also wide, mouth slightly open, and hand retracted. "No, no, not 'that'," he hissed, feeling completely disturbed right now. "You mean sex? No, no, I didn't not mean sex," he laughed awkwardly, quickly protesting any idea.

Josh frowned. He quickly shook his head, nervously chewing on the tip of the plastic fork he held in his hand. "No, I didn't mean it like that," he swiftly denied, looking to Tyler with dejected eyes.

The brunette frowned as well, feeling creeped out, yet cruel at the same time. He didn't know what else Josh could've been referring to; his thumb almost brushed against his crotch. So he looked to his roommate expectantly, wanting to hear what he had 'actually meant.'

"I thought-" he paused, staring into Tyler's chocolatey eyes for a long moment. He rolled his eyes, sighing as he slouched, his elbow on the table and his palm propping up his chin. "Never mind."

"Josh," Tyler whined, a bit louder now because he didn't care if anyone heard them anymore. They'd already gotten some looks from the few others around the table, but they seemed more focused on their own conversation than he and his roommate.

"Josh," Tyler grumbled again, wanting his friend's attention when it didn't work the first time.

"No, you were right," he mumbled, staring at his empty plate, embarrassed really.

Now it was Tyler's turn to confuse Josh. He giggled. Josh looked to him with a bit of hope, yet mostly an expression that showed he was puzzled. 

"So you just want to get off?" he muttered, back to his previous quietness.

Josh shrugged, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. "Yeah." Tyler didn't want to get him hopeful, but maybe he could get something out of this. He could probably save this to get an insane favor out of Josh later on.

But then again, he thought that it'd be a bad idea. He faltered what he was about to say, biting his lip and picking at it. He took a sharp breath quickly forcing a smile. "I don't care if you jack off in our room," he offered with a nervous tick to his eye.

Josh pouted; Tyler'd gotten him a bit hopeful for something that seemed never to come. The shorter sighed, gathering all his trash to throw it away in a moment. "Yes you do," he retorted, seeming so sure about the declaration.

"Why would I?"

"Because I'm loud."

The brunette could feel his heart flutter a bit at that. He wouldn't mind hearing that if he was to be completely honest. So he shook his head. "So am I," he remarked.

Josh seemed skeptical though. Maybe he just felt awkward right now, or maybe it was just another mood swing of his. "What if I say a name?" he questioned as he stood up from his seat to throw away the garbage. "What if I say your name?"

His bluntness didn't settle well in Tyler's mind. He just shrugged yet again, trying to seem as careless as possible. "I don't care. Whatever you have to do." But he did care. He found it weird. Flattering, but weird. It did make a little sense that if they were both horny that they could just jerk each other off, but Tyler wasn't as sexually inclined as he used to be. When he found out about the cheating, it just made him feel as if he wasn't good enough. As if he could never make his partner feel good. He wasn't ready to be touched again like that. Not until he knew the person wasn't going to just ditch him or that the person actually cared about him.

Josh smiled at the boy's response. A genuine Josh smile. Tyler grinned as well, although his wasn't as genuine. He really had some shit to deal with tonight if Josh decided he felt comfortable enough to get himself off.

•••

A few hours had passed. Tyler'd just come back to his room from therapy, and Josh'd just come back from his own sort of therapy. Tyler had no idea what for; he assumed his depression.

When he opened the door, he almost half expected to see Josh jerking off, but luckily for in between Tyler's legs, he wasn't. He was stringing up the last of the snowflakes. A bright smile spread across the skinny boy's expression; their room no longer seemed so creepy as Josh'd opened all of the blinds so the windows' light could shine through into their room. It was snowing outside as well, but not enough to cover the ground completely. Little flakes would stick to the outside of the window and melt; it made Tyler grin. It was just pretty.

"Hey, Ty," Josh hummed the greeting, seeming entranced by taping the string to the wall rather than what his roommate was up to.

Tyler stood beside the boy standing up on the chair, watching as he did his work. "I thought that Debby had to help you if I wasn't here," he mumbled curiously. Debby was the nurse that seemed extremely close to Josh. She was sweet; Tyler just called her her name instead of Miss Ryan. It sounded too formal; Josh never called her that.

"Yeah well, it's hard to hurt yourself with tape, so I figured I'd be fine," he explained, glancing down to Tyler for a quick second before going back to focusing on the snowflakes.

Tyler looked to the window in front of him. It was pretty to see the courtyard delicately covered in snow, some bushes still peeking through along with the tips of the grass. His birthday was soon; in about a week. He didn't want to bring it up. 

A sigh escaped his lips; he moved over to his bed and picked up the almost empty ziplock bag of dried plant off of the floor. He furrowed his brows, looking to Josh with curiosity. "How'd you hide this from them?"

"I didn't," he responded, disinterest clear in his voice.

They often had a nurse going in and out of their room. It was understandable how they didn't smell it; Tyler had smoked it near the open window and had been sure they were going to take showers only minutes later, but the bag was just under the brunette's bed. It wouldn't have been that hard to find if they'd been trying to clean their room. Clearly, they weren't really feeling like it.

Tyler opened the bag; that caught his roommate's attention. Josh looked to him, smiling slightly. "Gonna use the rest?"

The brunette was hesitant to answer. Josh might end up making some sort of odd requirement for him getting more. Honestly, he was just worried; he knew he'd get desperate and would probably end up doing whatever Josh wanted. He shook his head. Closing the bag and throwing it under the bed. "I'm gonna wait," he mumbled. 

"I'd use it now if you want to get anything out of it," Josh warned, taping one last string and stepping off of the chair, only to sit down in it. "They're probably going to make us clean tonight and they'll check it in the morning."

The scrawny boy frowned, sitting on Josh's bed and grumbling something. "But then you're going to make me do something crazy to get more," he whined childishly.

"All I said is you have to be nice to me," he chuckled, reaching over and setting the roll of tape on the counter. "I'm not going to make you streak or anything."

Tyler couldn't help but hug his legs to his chest, feeling a bit uncomfortable at that thought. He was still a bit disturbed by Josh touching him this morning, so that mention just felt odd; he hugged his knees tighter. Although the pressure on his crotch wasn't exactly what he needed right now, he stayed still. "Ew, I think if you did, I'd just end up dying."

"Why? It's not like you have anything to be embarrassed about."

Tyler shrugged, staring at his knees as he had nowhere else to look. "Would you like to run around the halls naked?" he retorted, snickering nervously.

"I was saying making you strip for me, but that works too," Josh taunted, poking his tongue out and watching Tyler's face flush.

Tyler made a noise of discomfort, but also of embarrassment. He whined, sneering. "My body's ugly," he protested. "It's just skin and bone. At least you've got muscle."

"So you're saying you'd rather see me strip?"

Josh was messing with him and Tyler knew it. That didn't stop him from getting red in the face. "Honestly, I bet you'd be- good looking," he mumbled awkwardly. "But I'm not gay."

The boy with the aqua hair raised an eyebrow. "Bi then?"

The brunette made a weird face. He didn't want to admit that he liked boys. He did. Kinda. He knew he liked Josh a bit. He just wasn't ready for any sort of awkward confession any time soon. "Uh,, sure," he admitted half-heartedly.

Josh seemed interested now. The brunette thought it was stupid. The moment they started talking about sex or being gay or kissing each other- anything like that, Josh was focused in a snap. He was watching Tyler; the boy felt like prey again. It was uncomfortable. "So you would like to see me naked?" He was pushing it. He knew he was. But Tyler's reactions to anything relating to him or sex were amazing.

He gave the exact response Josh expected. His dark eyes widened, his lips parted slightly as he tried to think up words to say before he gave up and just spoke his mind in stutters. "N-no. I mean- I guess... Yeah? Yeah I think would. But only because I think you're- hot." He frowned, glaring at the other for a quick second. "Why do you keep asking me this type of shit?"

"No reason." Josh smiled like the devil, his tongue poking out of the corner of his pink lips. 

"Oh, shut up." Tyler rolled his eyes with a forced laugh. "There is a reason. And that reason is something I won't be ready for until I believe I'm worth something again, okay?" He spoke calmly and gently, just wanting to make it clear to Josh that there wasn't anything between them like he clearly thought there was. 

He just wasn't ready for sexual interaction again with anyone but himself. Everything flipped on him. He didn't know what he liked anymore. He used to like things fast, quick and straight to the point. Now he needed more to get off. More time to savor the sensation and feelings of dopamine releasing in his head. He used to like degrading comments, now he feels like if he'd hear that in bed, he'd break down and start crying. He used to like the way he could be the top. How he could cradle and love his wife. Now he wanted to be the one to be the bottom, to be the one who could feel as if they were always going to be taken care of and that their best interest was in the mind of their partner, or at least switch every now and then in bed. The whole cheating ordeal broke him. He'd had one love in his life, one person he'd given away his virginity to, one person that made him feel good, and that person apparently thought he wasn't good enough at it to please her as well. So how could he feel he meant anything? Was his body just gross? He was constantly worried about everything now; Josh really needed to understand that if they ever did get into some sort of intercourse, he needed to wait until Tyler was happy with who he was and who he was sharing the moment with.

"If it's worth something I think you're hot," Josh commented after a short moment of silence. He smiled softly. Tyler did too. Tyler already knew Josh clearly had an interest in him, but at least he seemed to respect that the brunette needed time to relearn his body's wants and needs.

The shorter of the two boys sat up, getting off of his chair and wandering over to the television to press the button to turn it on. "Wanna watch some fake drama? Jerry Springer? The Maury Show? We've got a bit before lunch." Josh offered with a snicker, earning a small nod and a 'why not' from Tyler.

He tuned the tv to the show they agreed on, walking over to his bed and sitting behind Tyler who had his legs criss-crossed in the middle of his bed. The show was complete and utter drama that was probably mostly if not always made up, but neither of the boys cared. They liked it.

Tyler was focused on the television, completely entranced by the show and not even noticing that Josh had been tapping his shoulder. His shoulder that was mostly bare since his gown, or oversized shirt as Tyler saw it, seemed to have such a ridiculously large neck opening that one side would always slip over and bare his shoulder. It was annoying. 

Josh gave up on tapping Tyler's shoulder, getting a little sad. He thought the boy was ignoring him. But he spoke up in a whisper after a moment. "Tyler," he murmured.

"Hm?"

This was how a lot of their conversations started. 

"Can I ask you something weird that I promise you is not me being horny?"

Tyler turned his head to see the boy sitting behind him and quirked a brow, interested now. He nodded. "Shoot."

Josh seemed casual, not at all embarrassed to ask Tyler the favor. His voice did sound a bit small though, dejected even. Just a moment ago he'd seemed so careless and free. Someday, the brunette really did need to ask his friend what reasons were keeping him here for almost a year now. Now wasn't the time though.

"There's a knot in my back," he mumbled, fiddling with his fingers as their eyes locked. "Do you think you could.. Y'know. Massage it?"

Tyler was skeptical. He felt for sure that Josh was just trying to get him to touch him, but this was the type of touch that the boy could handle. He could do that. Hell, maybe it'd help get him back in the swing of how it felt to touch another's body. Even though it was a man's body instead of a woman's. A man with defined muscles at that. But he'd take it. He nodded, scooting to the side and gently tugging Josh's arm. "You sit in front and I'll get rid of that 'knot'," he spoke, hiding the sarcasm about the knot as well as he could.

Tyler and Josh switched spots at that, Tyler sitting on his knees and Josh now the one crossing his legs over one another, he glanced to the brunette over the side of his shoulder, his messy blue hair getting in his face. Tyler really liked the color of his hair. Just the unique style of it actually. The way that he had what seemed to be his natural hair color and the unnatural dyed on the longer strands just fit him. It seemed the sides of his head along with the back had been shaved once, but they were more grown in now, a bit fluffy, but not nearly as bad as the blue mess.

"This is comfortable for you, right?"

Tyler loved how soft he was being right now. He expected his tune and actions to change any moment now, but it was nice while it lasted. "Yeah, yeah, just-" he hadn't started touching him yet; he gently tugged at the bottom of his 'oversized shirt'. "Let me take this off, yeah? It'll be a lot easier."

Josh didn't give Tyler a response or let him take it off on his own; he just pulled it off, letting it rest in his lap as he sat in nothing but his boxers. The brunette's face was a soft red. Would it be weird to say Josh had a nice back? Because he did. He really fucking did.

Gently, testing the waters, Tyler let his fingers gently touch along Josh's shoulders, then down the his shoulder blades. Hesitantly, he peered over to see the older male's eyes shut gently. He gulped. He didn't really know if he was doing this right as his thumb gently rubbed into the skin, his fingers wrapped around the broad shoulders as he did so. Josh made a noise. Tyler froze. "Sorry, I've never really.." he chuckled nervously. "You're a lot more muscular than my wife was."

"No no, you're fine, I like it," he mumbled a response, sounding rather relaxed. So Tyler continued, working his thumb as low as he could in this position. "You never gave anyone else a massage?" he perked up again after a quiet moment.

Tyler shook his head, feeling his face get flustered when Josh let out a soft noise of contentment and he found there really was a knot in his muscle. "Well, I mean- I did to my mom when she couldn't find a chiropractor but-" he snickered, his voice a bit forced from the exertion he was putting into the other's back. "She's not exactly that buff either."

Josh shrugged, making Tyler pout as he had to push him back down. "I wouldn't say buff. I'm more.. Fit."

"Just fit? Do you have abs?"

"Look for yourself, stupid."

The nickname was used with a smile and a silly tone; Tyler took no offense. But he shook his head. "No, I'm gonna finish this first and then you can show off to me."

They both smiled. 

Maybe Josh wasn't so weird. Or maybe Tyler was just so desperate for human affection again he was jumping into the worst idea he'd ever had. A boy? His parents would be livid if they could see him here right now. Them and their religious beliefs. There was nothing wrong with them believing in such a thing, in fact, Tyler was glad they could find something to have faith and trust so strongly in. But the line crossed when they started scorning him for his own choices. His own life.

Maybe he should try some things out with Josh. Maybe he could fall in love again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know yet if I'm going to let the smut be in the next chapter or two  
> so I might take an extra day or so to come up with a filler chapter so it seems more fluid unless I think that this isn't as rushed as it seems


	5. Wake Up Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh is hot, Tyler's cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured screw it  
> just put the chapters in their original order  
> the smut isn't too horribly graphic in my opinion  
> just be warned that it's basically the whole chapter

Josh'd been so sweet throughout the rest of the day. He'd had his moments where he'd get randomly personal or disturbing, but that was normal and he just treated Tyler with kindness. 

The brunette had explained to him during the time they were supposed to be doing exercise about his fears.. His insecurities and how he felt his body wasn't anything more than some sort of tool to get another off. Josh'd immediately gotten worried, apologizing if he'd done anything to add to that. Tyler brushed it to the side, saying he'd flattered him- he just really shouldn't touch him yet like he had at breakfast. He wasn't ready. He couldn't tell at the time if Josh wanted to build a relationship or just wanted him for a quick fuck. 

Sure, casual sex was something he used to be able to do when he got home after long nights and he just needed to forget his stress, but that'd changed along with many of his preferences. It seemed like all the times he'd had any sort of sexual interaction in the past, it was all rushed. No love involved. As if the thought that sex could be about loving your partner with every part of your body wasn't present in those situations. That they never made love. That they just fucked around.

Josh'd gotten all protective of Tyler after that. He didn't hug him; Tyler noticed he seemed nervous to touch him at all now. When they did finally do their work outs, the older boy made sure practically every 10 minutes that the scrawny male didn't need water or help or anything. At dinner, he'd made Tyler sit and he went to go get his food for him. During the community time, Josh was determined to play whatever Tyler wanted. He even offered to get more marijuana for the brunette as he'd smoked the rest before they left to take showers after their exercise, but Tyler declined. He wanted to ween off of it so he wouldn't waste all his money on it when he got back into the world again. He didn't like that thought. The hospital psyche ward seemed much more welcoming and kind than the world.

Josh was just sweet. He was actually trying to make Tyler feel comfortable and even went as far as making a small banner of letters during down time for the boy. It spelled out 'Tyler'; he hung it above his bed in a similar fashion to the snowflakes with string, only this time the letters were colored in pastels. The 'T' was aqua and faded into the next letter into a blue, to the next as purple, to the next as a rose, and the last as a gentle shade of pink. 

Tyler'd stared at the letters with a bright grin as he changed into a different gown to sleep in, one that was identical to his other. But he had to keep up hygiene; he'd be disgusting. 

Right now was past down time. It was past the time he'd spent watching Josh expertly color in the colors on the paper, past the time he'd sung Josh a song, past the time he'd let Josh comb his fluffy hair, which, by the way, was getting a bit too long on top in his opinion, even though it was just a fluffy mess of brown. He'd shave it soon. Although everyone he knew always told him they liked him better with the fluff, he still liked having the buzz cut every now and then. Not to say he didn't like his hair with the messy fluff too. He liked both. It was his hair after all. 

Right now was the time when they were both in bed, lights out. The digital clock dimly proved that it was just a little past midnight; Tyler was sound asleep, all snuggled up in the blankets as it was much too cold to his liking. Josh, however, wasn't asleep. He was hot, not cold. And he was bothered. God was he bothered.

To him, it was too hot; he'd stripped to nothing but his boxers briefs. His dark, mocha eyes were open, staring through the darkness and every now and then to ceiling, the clock, to where Tyler was curled up, and to the ceiling again. It felt wrong to jerk off to the boy who'd explained how insecure he was about being sexually active again. But Tyler had told him in the morning that he didn't care if he jacked off to him. 

'Whatever you have to do.'

That's what Tyler had said. Josh took in a deep breath, sighing as he kicked off the covers from his body. To him, it always felt better when all of him was exposed. He paused before he did anything more, sitting up and making the bed groan. "Tyler," he whispered, knowing that if the boy was awake, there was no way he was going to do this.

There was no response.   
Josh grew hopeful.

"Ty," he hissed, louder this time. Nothing.

He laid back down on the bed, thinking for a moment. It wouldn't be weird would it? Tyler didn't have to know it happened. He made a noise when he gently palmed himself through his boxers. He forgot his worrying for a moment. He pressed down more, freezing when he heard Tyler shift in his sleep.

Carefully, he pulled the cloth down to his thighs, just enough to expose his semi-erect cock with a gasp. He looked to his roommate one more time to ensure he wasn't about to be caught before completely removing the boxers. They were tossed to the floor, Josh's eyes fluttered shut when he gently gripped at his base.

He frowned. Dry. 

He brought his hand up to his mouth, spitting into it before wrapping his fingers over his length again. It was hot and hard- god he was so hard. A careful tug, an experimental squeeze, that was all that was needed to get a soft moan out of the boy. He was never quiet about these types of things. Not just because he couldn't help it, but because it helped him feel the moment more. To feel more pleasure.

Carefully, he began to jerk himself off, his head resting on the pillow and his lips parted, small gasps escaping them with every pump of his hand.

He felt disgusting but he didn't really care. He was thinking of Tyler. Thinking of how Tyler would sound when he moaned, thinking of how Tyler would look with his lips around his dick. Everything that the brunette wasn't ready for yet. He was patient. He could wait.

Swiping his thumb over the slit to gather precum, he moaned particularly loudly, quickly silencing himself when he realized the moan was of his roommate's name. He didn't need to know Josh was thinking of him in his fantasies. Thinking how he'd look without his clothes. How his hips would be prominent from his small figure and how he could make him feel good. How he could make him feel loved.

He picked up the speed of his hand, wanting to get off quickly so he could sleep and not risk waking up the sleeping boy in the bed next to him. His hips bucked into his fist, but he had to try to stay still to keep from making much noise. It wasn't working; he was moaning and keening softly every time he barely flicked his wrist to the side.

His head rolled to the side, facing Tyler's bed. He worked himself off, savoring the pleasure, the sensation as he worked from the base of his cock up. It was nice; he hadn't gotten off in awhile. 

"Mm, fuck," he groaned, thumbing at the slit again to wipe off precum to use as some sort of lube, squeezing gently and making some sort of odd squeak.

He started to get a bit more vocal as he bent one knee, the other flat on the mattress and his slicked up hand touching everywhere he pleased. "God, baby boy, you're so good," he hummed, remembering how Tyler had told him he hated degradation now. Josh figured maybe praise would be his go to thing now. 

"So, so pretty," he keened, forgetting he was supposed to whisper. He was just begging to be caught at this point. He should at least cover his mouth.

His eyes peered open and the hand around his dick froze. Tyler was awake, staring at him with interested eyes. His face flushed; he could barely make out the boy's form in the dark, but he could see him smile and hear him giggle like a little girl as he rested his head back down on the pillow. 

"M'sorry, I just heard my name," he spoke, his voice tired and groggy. He shut his eyes, waving a hand at Josh. "Continue." He yawned. "I really don't care."

"Oh god," Josh muttered, quickly leaning over and grabbing his boxers from the cleaned floor. "Ty, I didn't- I'm sorry, I just thought you were asleep." 

Tyler's eyes opened again; he furrowed his brows seeing that his roommate was searching to put his clothes back on. "Josh, you're hard, I don't care if you jack off. I told you already." He snickered, his voice still raspy from just waking up. "You'll come in your underwear if you don't, and I promise you'll I'll make fun of you all day for it," he teased.

"No, it's.. Uh, fine, I can-" he cleared his throat, hiding his hard on that hadn't softened in the least and was leaking pre-cum with the cloth in his hand. "I can finish tomorrow."

"Just do it."

"With you watching me?" Josh whined, knitting his brows together. "I'm not really an exhibitionist, Ty."

Tyler shook his head, pointing to the pillow. "I won't watch you," he assured. "It's just like background noise. It'll help me fall asleep again."

Josh snorted, hesitantly relaxing again in his previous position and letting the clothing rest at the end of the bed. "So I'm your white noise machine?"

"Mhm," he hummed, burying his head in the pillow, still facing towards Josh so that if he opened his eyes he could watch him masturbate. He didn't mean to make it seem like that was his goal by laying like that, but it looked like it was.

Hesitantly, Josh wrapped his fingers around his length again, feeling odd now knowing that Tyler had heard him. It was embarrassing to say the least. It really didn't help when Tyler had one last question for him. "Am I 'baby boy'?" 

Josh coughed, feeling so flustered right now. He was aching and his unmoving hand didn't want to start until he was comfortable again. Tyler didn't have to know he really wasn't aiding in that sense. "Um- yeah.. I didn't think you'd mind. Or actually be awake at all."

The brunette chuckled at that. He looked comfortable, the side of his head resting on the pillow and the comforter pulled up to his neck. Josh assumed he was blushing as well, but he couldn't make out much color with the horrible lighting that they were receiving only from the dimmed down light in the hall that was filtering in under the door. 

"You're big," Tyler further commented. Josh felt so heated right now, attempting to hide himself again. He wasn't comfortable although his friend seemed completely relaxed.

"Thanks?" he responded in more of a question form, wanting to be able to retract it if that was the wrong thing to say. He shifted a bit. His cock was pulsing underneath his fingers; he just couldn't give himself any friction yet. "Tyler, I really didn't mean t-"

"Do you need help?"

Josh's heart fluttered, but then he remembered. Tyler wasn't ready. He couldn't have been ready after just a few days. The boy wasn't in a good headspace; Josh wanted to wait until Tyler actually knew what he wanted. So he shook his head, although he really wanted to feel the brunette's softer hands around his length. He didn't need help. He wanted it. There was no rush for Tyler; he needed to relax. "No, no, Ty, I don't think that's a good idea," he mumbled, beginning to stroke himself slowly. The other boy took notice.

"But it's just like when I jack myself off. I can do that," he protested. He wanted to help Josh, mainly because he'd been so kind to him today, but also because he wanted to know what it was like to touch another man. 

Josh cocked an eye at his roommate. He shook his head, becoming more relaxed with the scrutiny and speeding up his hand just a little bit so he'd still be able to make words. He did have to moan every now and then; Tyler didn't seem to mind. "Wait until-" he keened softly. "Wait until you know for sure you wanna do it."

Tyler frowned. He wasn't a child. "I do want to do it," he hissed, still not bothering to sit up. "Cmon, there's nothing wrong with me learning what you like, right?"

"You can learn what I like by watching me," Josh retorted, smiling smugly to himself. 

Tyler was just horny from catching Josh; the older boy knew it. If he let him jerk him off, in the morning he'd be a nervous wreck and keep questioning his sexuality and what he really wanted. Tyler really seemed to not like Josh's response to all this however. He frowned, furrowing his brows and grumbling something inaudible. 

Josh closed his eyes, beginning to jerk himself off earnestly again, making little gasps and hums, especially when he'd rub at the sensitive tip with his thumb. He tried to stay quiet, not wanting to get his roommate bothered by all of this. But that was hard; Tyler was still staring at him from his bed.

"Josh, please," he begged, sitting up and causing his bed to creak and getting the older's attention. "I'll make it feel good, I promise, I just wanna feel what it's like."

"No." Josh sighed with a breathy moan entangled in his voice, bucking into his hand again. "F-fuck- just watch me if you want to learn, okay?" he hummed airily. "You can touch me a different- day."

Tyler didn't seem so convinced by that, but he sighed, lying back down on the bed, chocolate eyes blown wide as he watched Josh's tentative hand wrapped around himself. He watched as the elder tugged on himself, making himself fall apart into rather feminine moans. Tyler loved the other's voice, always liked how although it wasn't necessarily threatening, it was deep and smooth. Hearing him moan in a girlish way made his ears turn red and his cheeks flare up pink.

It didn't take too much longer to get him close to his climax, Tyler mumbling along the lines of how big Josh was and how he'd love to touch him. It was probably to help him get off, but he really hoped that eventually they'd get a chance to be in that situation someday. 

"Holy shit," Josh gasped, feeling his stomach tighten, curling his toes and stretching out his legs to get there sooner. "God, baby boy, you're so perfect for me." Sure, he was doing that solely for Tyler, but it also helped him just a little bit.

His eyes rolled back into his head, his jaw slack and mouth hanging open up until he was coming. Tyler muttered a curse as he watched him, his whole body shaking and stuttering as he came all over his stomach, gasping until he finally heaved in a breath and lay there still. There was silence. Josh was enjoying the fact that he was no longer buzzing with need and was bathing in a euphoric feeling; Tyler was squinting, trying to get a better look at his friend's naked body. He was gorgeous; the brunette wanted to kiss him. But that was uncalled for, Josh'd probably deny him of that as well. 

"'Night, Tyler," Josh finally breathed, sitting up to grab a tissue and wipe himself off of the liquid. Tyler whined like a child.

"Can I sleep with you?"

Josh shot a look at the brunette as he reached over to throw the tissue away, pulling on his boxers that were sitting on the end of the bed. Tyler blushed, quickly shaking his head. "No, I mean as in like.. we actually just sleep. And cuddle." Josh smiled; Tyler grew hopeful. "That'd help me, y'know, get back into what it's like to.. Touch I guess?"

There was a bit of hesitance, but Josh moved over in his bed, patting beside him. Tyler grinned, crawling out of his bed and stepping on the cold floor in his bare feet before climbing into Josh's bed. 

He could immediately feel the older's sweaty skin, but he didn't mind. Josh pulled the covers over both of them, Tyler snuggling into them with his back to Josh. He expected the boy to wrap his arms around him, but he didn't. He frowned, turning his head to glance at Josh. He sighed, rolling his eyes. "Hug me," he whined.

Josh ignored him, repeating the last thing he'd said. "'Night, Tyler," he mumbled, both of their backs facing each other.

The brunette frowned. The whole point of this was to get to cuddle. He grumbled, turning and wrapping his arms around the shorter boy's bare waist. He was warm; Tyler's arms and hands were cold. Josh flinched a bit, making an odd noise and settling into the touch. 

The scrawny boy would've really preferred Josh spoon him, but he seemed tired and dazed from his orgasm, so he decided to just go along with it. At least the noises of bells and clicking weren't what he'd fall asleep to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was actually my first time doing some sort of smut so  
> i hope it wasn't too horribly bad  
> Anywaays  
> thank you guys for the sweet comments!  
> It really makes my day and helps with inspiration so thank you  
> i have two more chapters after this and then I'm gonna have to take more time to get into the more plot-related stuff and less character development
> 
> thanks again for the sweet comments and the kudos!


	6. Cherry Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler wants a kiss

Had they not left the blinds open last night, they probably would've slept through breakfast. But instead, they were one of the first to wake up. The blinding light of the rising sun crept through the room slowly, finally getting far enough to where it was in Tyler's eyes. He furrowed his brows, clenching his eyes shut in his sleep and trying to hide further into the warm body beside him. 

He was semi-awake now, and the popping and hissing and cracking was quiet in his head. It was there, but it was faint and quiet like it never was. He got giddy just thinking about last night and how right now he was snuggling into Josh. It wasn't like this shocking epiphany where he'd sit up and stare at the boy, but it was an exciting feeling in his gut when he finally opened his eyes to see the older male so close.

A sigh escaped his soft, cherry lips. Watched the sleeping boy lovingly, gently brushing the wild turquoise strands that'd fallen in his face. Maybe Tyler was just hit with all these romantic feelings because he missed them. Or maybe he actually had found someone he could care for again. Just the way Josh looked, so peaceful, so quiet, his lips parted just slightly, a bit of drool on the side of his mouth and the fact that overnight their positions had changed so that he had his arms around Tyler was amazing. If the end of the world happened right now, Tyler wouldn't care. He had all he needed right now.

But curiosity and stress about sleeping in got the better of the brunette as he looked to the other side, seeing the clock on the table in between their beds. 

8:35

It wasn't that late; the fall-winter sun had risen just enough to shine into their room. Breakfast wasn't until 9:30. They had awhile. 

The halls were silent except for the occasional soft foot steps of most likely a staff member of the hospital passed by. Tyler liked it. Everything felt so serene. He sighed, gently tapping Josh's nose to wake him up. He didn't want to awake the man, but he wanted to talk while they had this alone time.

Josh's eyes flinched, but he didn't really get up. He knit his brows together when Tyler did it again, a groggy whine sounding from him as he turned away. The brunette sighed, gently resting a hand on his shoulder and shaking him. 

"Tyler," he groaned, his voice raspy from waking up. The brunette thought it was hot, but he didn't need to mention that to anyone just yet. 

"Josh," he mocked, shaking him again.

The older turned back to the scrawny boy, his chocolate eyes open slightly as he stared up at Tyler who was sitting up. "Don't mock me, it's rude," he teased, running a hand through his blue locks and just lying there, staring at the ceiling as he tried to wake up.

Tyler rested his cold hand's on Josh's bare chest, making him flinch a bit, but he didn't seem to mind it as right now he was just trying to make himself aware enough to form actual sentences. "Your hands're cold," he mumbled his words together.

"I'm trying to wake you up," Tyler defended, a silly smirk on his face as he moved his still freezing hands on to the boy's abdomen, touching along the defined muscles there.

He thought he'd get some sort of reaction, but Josh just hummed in satisfaction at the touch. A small grin decorated his already perfect face as he looked to Tyler. "You're gonna put me to sleep," he warned, the feeling of another touching him even in such a simple, gentle way as this relaxing.

"C'mon, just sit up, you big baby," Tyler complained loudly, grabbing Josh's muscular arm and trying to pull him up. It didn't work. He frowned, and eventually Josh sat up for him.

The shorter looked to the clock, then to Tyler and grumbled. "Dude, it's early, just lemme sleep for a few more minutes."

Tyler cocked a brow, giving him a puzzled look. He gestured towards Josh with his index finger, then to himself repeatedly. "So we're not going to discuss this at all?"

Josh shrugged. "What's to explain?"

The taller boy laughed. It was a sarcastic laugh, but it still made Josh give off that beautiful grin to him, but he added on. "We're just learning how to simply touch each other," Josh said nonchalantly. "And you're free to cut us off as just friends whenever you feel that you don't want anything."

"Are you sure that's all your getting at?" Tyler was a bit suspicious that all Josh expected out of this was to get laid. He didn't want a one-time hookup. 

Josh picked up on his tone immediately, quickly shaking his head. "If I'm being completely honest with you, if I get blown or I get to fuck you.." Tyler cringed at that. The older noticed, quickly correcting himself. "..Or if I get to make love to you, that's an awesome side fact, but if I can kiss you and make you feel like you're precious, that's what I really want."

Tyler would normally doubt this. But he sounded so sincere, so convinced by his own words and so relaxed and sure in himself.

A smile etched its way onto Tyler's features. He gently grabbed Josh's hand; he returned the smile as the older entangled their fingers together. Maybe he was a bit gay. Just a little bit. He liked Josh. He liked him more than some friend. He couldn't say he loved him since he didn't know what love was anymore, but he knew he found himself extremely attracted to him. Yeah. That was the best way to put it.

"Isn't this the part in the cheesy movie where you kiss me?" Tyler teased playfully.

For a moment, Tyler grew hopeful that Josh was going to peck his lips, but instead, he just kissed his cheek. It wasn't bad, no, not at all. But he wanted something more.

Josh must've noticed the slight disappointment in Tyler's eyes. He sighed. The brunette snickered. "Hey, I'd give you a sweet kiss, but morning breath definitely isn't what you want from your first kiss with me," he spoke overly dramatic and all serious like he was trying to defend himself.

"I don't care," Tyler promised. Josh felt he was, feeling his hand tense in his own.

Josh narrowed his eyes. Not that he wasn't interested in getting to kiss Tyler and make out with him some day, right now didn't seem like the time. He wanted Tyler and himself to know each other more, mainly so Tyler couldn't bawl his eyes out and go through a panic attack later that he kissed another boy and 'cheated on his wife', though Josh really didn't think it'd count as that. "How about we just wait a bit for that, okay?"

Tyler sighed. He pouted. Josh giggled. Then Tyler got curious again for a moment. He watched Josh intently, his hand sweating only because he was horribly nervous about all of this. Josh didn't seem to care or mention it at all; he felt a bit more comforted. He took a deep breath, finally deciding he wanted to learn more about the aqua-haired boy if he wanted to start a relationship with him in the future.

"Can I ask you something personal?"

"Shoot."

The brunette gulped, not sure how Josh'd react. He didn't expect anything bad, but he didn't really expect anything all butterflies and rainbows either.

"Why're you in here?"

Josh pointed to his forehead, what Tyler assumed meant his brain, and left it at that. But the taller's question still wasn't answered. "No, no, I mean like- what did they diagnose you with that's kept you here for so long?"

"Bipolar disorder, manic depression, a generalized anxiety disorder, and-" he paused, his eyes narrowing for a moment as he tried to think. Or at least, what seemed to be him thinking. "Psychosis" He spoke slowly, ready to take it back if Tyler was disturbed.

"Psychosis?" Tyler repeated.

Josh nodded.

"You don't act like you're-" Tyler took a quick second to think up what to say. "Out of touch with reality."

The mild bipolar disorder, Tyler'd picked up on that immediately. Like now for instance, the boy was going through a time where he acted as if he was invincible. Everything was just perfect, and he was always happy. That had been the proof of mania to him. But he never noticed Josh show any sort of indication towards psychosis. He would go off and ramble and ramble for ages and was paranoid that he had a ghost in his head, but that was one time that he mentioned the ghost, and that was it.

"I'm not, I promise you I'm not," Josh spoke quickly and in a panicked manner. He squeezed Tyler's hand gently. "I used to be, but I'm getting a lot better."

Tyler looked to their hands and then to Josh. "Pills?"

Josh blinked. He didn't know exactly what Tyler meant by that. "'Pills'?"

"I mean they've been giving you pills as a type of medication."

Josh squinted. He nodded. "Yeah. It's all the stuff I take at breakfast."

"Oh." Tyler'd never seen Josh take any sort of medication at breakfast. He chuckled, a smile spreading across his expression as he looked to the boy half-heartedly. "So why're you sill here?"

Josh let go of Tyler's hand, stretched his arms out, and shook his head as he climbed out of the bed with a yawn. "I've got a lot of other stuff to work out," he explained, standing up and grabbing his gown off of the relatively clean floor. They never tracked in anything, but it probably still wasn't a good idea to leave his clothes there. 

He turned to look at Tyler with a soft grin. It was out of place, but the brunette loved every time Josh could smile at him, his dimples digging into his cheeks and his dark eyes gaining wrinkles at their edges. He was just beautiful. "But I've got you, so I think things'll be a lot easier." He paused, scratching at his bicep, the one stained with all sorts of colors. The subject was completely changed; Tyler didn't know where it came from, but he just went along with it. "Y'know, it'd help with your depression if you wanted to work out with me today. A proper work out."

Tyler was hesitant; he nodded. He looked to his hands with a funny expression. He looked at the three thin lines wrapped around his bony wrist, how his fingers were so thin and skeletal. It made him feel bad as he looked up to Josh pulling on the 'oversized shirt', seeing as he had real muscle. His body seemed perfect, as if he'd actually worked for it when he was younger and didn't take the short cuts of steroids or anything like that. A sigh escaped his lips. Disappointment in himself clouded in his mind. "I can't even lift my own weight," he whined, thinking on how he couldn't even do more than one push-up without completely giving up and lying down on his couch to watch whatever show he pleased.

"Is that a 'yes'?" Josh inquired, holding out his hand for Tyler to take.

The skinny boy took his hand, pulling himself up and off the bed so he was standing beside the other. "Yeah, sure," he huffed, not wanting to have to exercise at all at any point ever. "I'm just- I'm not athletic? See?" He held his arm out, poking at his bicep decorated with black ink. "And I'm pretty sure if I tried to run my ankles would break."

"You're not that out of shape," Josh scoffed, gently touching along the arm Tyler'd held out. It made the scrawny make shiver, but he didn't mention anything. "Okay, yeah, you're not muscular, but so what? Just do jumping jacks, or lunges, or just do wall push-ups. Anything."

Tyler sighed again, rolling his eyes exasperatedly. "I can't."

"You could if you tried."

The brunette shot him a look before crossing his arms."How about we run down to the cafeteria, get breakfast, and just eat it here?"

Josh rolled his eyes at the attempt to change the focus. "How about we discuss your wellbeing?" 

Tyler crinkled his nose. "We can do that while we eat."

"And how're you going to explain to the nurses why you're eating in our room?"

The brunette grabbed Josh's arm, gently pulling on him with a loud, drawn out whine to be eccentric. "C'mon, Josh, it's just food. We're not going to trash the whole room with eggs and bacon."

"No, we're gonna trash the whole room with cereal," Josh corrected, earning a look of irritant from Tyler.

The scrawny boy pulled at Josh's muscular arm again, wanting to not go alone to the cafeteria. At this time, while some other patients were awake, very few if any would be in the dining hall, and Tyler didn't want to get questioned immediately for being along. The older rolled his eyes, pulling his arm out of Tyler's grasp and lazily sitting down on the side of his bed.

"You woke me up early," Josh scoffed. "So I get an excuse to stay here."

Tyler let out an exasperated groan. He didn't want to wait for Josh to be pliable and give in to his whining; his stomach felt empty and he just wanted to get food before it hurt too much. "Okay, fine, I'll get me my eggs, and what kinda junk are you always eating?"

Josh sneered, his dark eyes flashing with playfulness. "It's not junk. It's salad."

"Yeah yeah, s'junk," the brunette huffed, crossing his arms like a small child would. "Okay, I'll get your salad, I'll get my eggs, and we'll eat, and then-" Tyler's eyes widened, gesturing towards Josh as to insinuate they'd do whatever he came up with.

Josh took a quick second before the most devious grin Tyler'd ever seen decorated his face. "Then, I make you do at least three push-ups before lunch." The elder boy leaned forward, slouching as he sat and spoke like he was planning on murdering Tyler. Which wasn't too far off. To Tyler, his plan would be murder.

"What?" Tyler narrowed his eyes. "I can't even do one without falling over in exhaustion."

Josh snorted. He stood up, gently pushing Tyler towards the door so he'd stick to what he'd already promised. "Jesus, it's three push-ups, not thirty," he snickered. "I'll let you do girl push-ups. It'll take you two minutes if you're really as weak as you say you are, just go."

The younger boy stomped his foot into the tile, his head rolling to the side as he groaned loudly. He showed a monotone expression, glaring at Josh like he expected him to burst into flames if he just stared long enough. Josh sighed, giving him a gentle nudge again in the direction towards the door. Tyler just gazed over him, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly.

Josh sighed yet again, louder this time to get the boy to snap out of it. He placed his hands on Tyler's shoulder, feeling warm skin underneath his right hand as the boy's neckline was still much too big for his frame. "What if I bribe you?"

"To get the food or to do the push-ups?"

The aqua-haired male shrugged, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the ridiculous question. It was really just for the exercise, but if he got food that'd be great as well. "I dunno. Both."

Tyler seemed skeptical. His arms were still crossed, and Josh just wanted to laugh at how frankly adorable he was. He didn't mean to be, sure, but the glares and pouting was enough for him to forget any sort of intimidation the boy'd been trying to cause. "So if I promise to do them, what're you gonna bribe me with?"

Josh smiled brightly. Too eccentric and happy for Tyler's liking, but he'd go with it. The older pointed to his lips. Tyler seemed to get the idea. His eyes soften their glare, a small smile attempting to interrupt his frown. "Does that mean a kiss?" the brunette murmured, whispering although nobody was around to hear.

"Yes, of course it means a kiss, dummy," Josh hissed a lighthearted offense, chuckling as Tyler seemed to grin wide at that. "If you promise- if you pinkie promise that you'll do the exercise and I guess go get the food, I'll kiss you right now with my morning breath."

Tyler chuckled, but quickly stopped his laughing and replaced it with a moment of silence. He pointed to Josh's lips, then to his own swiftly. "You're not gonna just kiss my cheek again? Actually kiss me? Lips to lips? Chest to chest?"

"Man on man," Josh added, making Tyler blush. The comment wasn't to add to the list the brunette had been making; the older boy wanted him to realize what he was doing and not get wound up in all this crazy emotions. If he didn't want to do this knowing it was another guy, Josh was completely fine with it. But Tyler'd just explained to him a day prior that he wasn't ready for this type of interaction, and now here he was, tripping over himself to try to get it. 

Tyler was hesitant to say the least. Josh bringing that up made his mind race with so many questions.   
Am I cheating?   
No I'm not cheating.   
She left me.   
But by law it's cheating, right?   
What about Josh?   
Will his stubble scratch me?   
Will mine scratch him?   
What if he thinks my lips aren't soft?  
What if he doesn't like the way I kiss him?

"Stop it."

Tyler looked to Josh with a mixture of fear and confusion.

"I can practically hear you overthinking," he teased, making the brunette's heart get all the more nervous with every beat. "Look, it was just a suggestion alright? You're not ready for it if you have to think so hard, so just relax. It's alright."

The scrawny boy looked uncomfortable at that. He quickly shook his head. "No, no I'm fine, it's just I was thinking about you." Josh cocked a brow, signaling Tyler to continue whatever he was saying. "I just was worrying about the silly stuff.. Y'know, like, our scruff scratching together and.. Whether my lips will actually be soft or whether I'll taste gross or not."

Josh carded his hand through Tyler's brown mess of hair, relaxing his stressed out mind before ruffling it wildly as to make the strands go crazy. They both giggled at the action before Josh spoke up again. "Ty, I don't care about any of that stuff," he promised, making the boy's heart fill with some sort of reassurance. "I mean I wouldn't want to kiss you if you just ate dead fish, but really it doesn't matter."

"Ew." Tyler wrinkled his nose. "Why'd I do that?"

"Because you're Tyler Joseph."

The brunette rolled his eyes lightly shoving Josh but to no avail. The older just snickered, stepping closer to peck his forehead and making Tyler's face light of a gentle shade of pink. "I don't want to kiss you if you're just going to regret it later," Josh explained.

Tyler took a deep breath, pouting a bit. He wanted to kiss. He wanted to feel Josh's cherry pink lips against his own. "I won't regret it," he promised, but his voice sounded unsure.

"So if I kiss you, right here, right now, this minute, you won't push me back and break into tears?" Josh wasn't picking on him. He just knew how things would go. Tyler'd been cheated on in front of his face, and while it wasn't exactly trauma, it'd still scar him. There'd always be one thing that'd set him off into tears, whether it be a kiss, a sexual interaction, a smell, a word, a name- something that neither of them knew exactly yet. Josh didn't want to enjoy the kiss and pull away to see the brunette fighting back tears, but if such a case did occur, he would be ready to comfort him. Still, didn't stop him from being fearful of that situation.

Tyler was nervous. Josh saw it. So he shook his head, about to completely dismiss the whole situation before the brunette interrupted. "I'll be fine. I like soft lips anyways."

The older paused. He chuckled, biting down on the pink flesh of his bottom lip. He shook his head again, making Tyler pout. "Let's wait until you're more confident in yourself, okay?" he hummed gently, earning a small look of disappointment.

Josh was going to let Tyler leave; the boy cupped the sides of Josh's face, practically pushing his cheeks together like a parent would do to a young child as he ran his fingers along the sharp jawline and making the older's eyes widen. "I'm confident enough that I wanna kiss you," he squeaked, still sounding unsure.

Josh giggled quietly before breaking into a laugh, shaking his head. "You sound very confident," he taunted sarcastically.

"Shut up and kiss me."

"No."

Tyler looked heartbroken, his eyebrows pulling back and his smile faltering to nothing. Then he just looked impatient and annoyed. Josh gently removed his hands from the side of his face, grinning light-heartedly. "Think about if for a little bit, okay? I don't want to upset you at all."

Reluctantly, the boy nodded. Josh didn't mean to push him back; he truly wanted to be able to kiss Tyler as well, but it just didn't feel right. Not now. Not while Tyler was in a crisis over his wife cheating on him and he wasn't even sure who he liked anymore or what he liked anymore. He'd kiss him soon, just not now. Not just after they'd been cuddling. It felt like Tyler was just rushing in to things, and they both needed it slow. They needed each other's care, each other's love. Tyler'd explained he didn't want this to just be two horny guys using each other to get off, he wanted a relationship; Josh wanted to treat him properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and then updates will slow down to probably every other day.   
> I probably won't get two chapters out an update in that time period either, but it's not too big of a deal
> 
> thanks again for being sweet  
> feedback is greatly appreciated!


	7. Suggestions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit rushed; I wanted to get the chapter I have revolved around Tyler's birthday out today because well  
> it's his actual birthday today  
> if I don't get a chance, I'll say in advance even though he's not gonna see it  
> Happy birthday Tyler  
> We all love and appreciate you

All throughout the week, both boys had gone through without any panic attacks. No horrible bouts of depression plagued them, and they were just happy with each other. They didn't really discuss much more about the whole gay subject; Josh thought that Tyler was just thinking about it like he'd suggested. But he wasn't. Well, he was, but not in the sense Josh wanted.

He was beating himself up over it, every single god damn time he'd look in the mirror or at his roommate. Chocolate hues would meet, and immediately his mind would scream 'fag' or yell at him for being such a disgusting human being. That resulted in him spiraling back down into his manic state of depression that'd haunted him since he was a teen. He'd managed to break out of it for around year, but in the past year it'd come back; now here it was, right back with him and ready to once again rip him to shreds until he was curled up in a ball, bawling his eyes out.

What had he usually done when he'd gotten into those stages before this whole crisis and back to when he was happily married? He was embarrassed to admit it; his face burned a red when he'd think about what'd always helped distract him.

Sex.

Embarrassingly enough, it worked. He'd forget about why he was sad, or at least, for awhile. But he didn't have access to his now non-existent significant other or even a prostitute if he got too desperate for a distraction. It was either this, or he went back to his old ways of self harm and drugs, and really, really, he was trying so hard to go cold turkey on both of those things. He'd had only one joint since the first time Josh'd gotten him marijuana, and he was proud to say he thought he was going to be able to get through his addiction.

That is, he could get through anything, addiction or depression for a moment, if he could only have that sweet satisfaction he was craving. 

Tyler teeth tugged on his bottom lip as he sat awkwardly at the table. It was dinner, Thursday night. Officially he'd been here for a week, and his birthday was in two days. Originally he hadn't wanted to mention it, but maybe he could use it to his advantage. Convince someone that, being the birthday boy, he deserved something.

However, the person he wanted to take to bed was Josh, and Josh seemed set on him figuring himself out. It made Tyler snort. Just last week, Josh'd been the one clambering over Tyler and trying to get the brunette to be willing to give him a chance under the sheets. But, now everything was reversed. The brunette wanted a sweet distraction from this demon crawling around in his mind, but he knew Josh wouldn't believe him if he said that.

The brunette was pretty sure the older boy was just as horny as him. He just wouldn't admit it. The idea of trying to seduce him was in mind, but the fear of rejection was also there. 

A sigh escaped his lips. Josh quirked a brow, his mouth stuffed with meatloaf as he glanced to him. He swallowed, coughing a bit before speaking up to question Tyler's wistful expressions. "What're you thinking 'bout, Ty?"

The younger shrugged. He'd purposely let his shirt ride up, although that didn't take much effort, and his bare thigh was visible. If Josh'd just rest his hand on the boy's skin one more time, that'd be all he needed for now. But no. The shorter man hadn't barely touched him in any way but cuddling since Tyler'd caught him jacking off. He had nothing wrong with the cuddling or hugging, don't get him wrong, but that was it. He'd insisted they kiss several more times, but Josh seemed to rest on his own decision. Which didn't make any sense to Tyler. How could he know if the brunette had decided if he was so stuck that he hadn't?

"If you don't like that, I'll eat it," the older offered, gesturing to Tyler's plate with his fork.

Tyler wrinkled his nose, shaking his head and taking a tentative, small bite. "No, no, it's fine."

A moment of silence. Tyler was mentally torn right now in the quiet. He wanted a distraction so badly. His mind was a chorus of popping and clicking like keys; flares of light occasionally appearing on the sides of his eyes' vision. At his last few therapy sessions, they'd explained to him bipolar disorder- the exact disorder he'd thought that Josh had. Turned out that Josh had a mild form, while Tyler was actually the one with the illness. It was manic depression, meaning he'd go through seasons of feeling invincible and cheerful, to plunging into the darkest headspace imaginable. He was beginning to think that hearing he had this issue and learning the symptoms was what had pushed him off of his edge of confidence into the pitch black sea of horrors, each frigid wave sapping his strength, his will to keep swimming until he found shore once again. There was more of an imbalance in his mind than just the bipolar disorder, but he didn't want to hear it.

"Tyler."

The brunette looked up from where he'd been apparently staring at his plate of meatloaf, nervously directing his attention to Josh. There was more silence until the older spoke up once again. "Oh god, Ty, you look awful," he murmured. Tyler'd had dark bags under his eyes all day, but now he also had the helpless look in his brown eyes as well. So much for trying to seduce Josh. Now the boy'd know he wasn't in a good headspace, again.

"I didn't sleep," he mumbled, poking his fork into the food, but not picking it up.

Josh frowned, letting his fork drop on the table and grabbing the sides of Tyler's face to force him to look at him. The brunette's eyes were comically wide, his cheeks being pushed together by Josh's strong grip as he felt he was under so much scrutiny by the man. "Why do you look so sad?"

"Because I didn't sleep," Tyler stammered, it being hard to talk with how Josh was holding his face. He was telling the half-truth; he didn't understand why Josh was so keen on Tyler telling him anything more.

"Yeah, not sleeping makes you sleepy, and you haven't yawned more than twice this whole meal," the older scoffed. Kind of a silly on observation in Tyler's opinion. "C'mon, Ty, you can tell me anything."

Mocha eyes met those of the same color as the two stared at each other. Tyler's mouth opened and closed several times, trying to find the words to explain he was sad because of no other reason than he just was, but that train of thought was broken by a shout of Josh's name by a familiar female voice.

The aforementioned boy flinched, but didn't let go of Tyler's face as the two looked over to see none other than Debby storming towards them. She stopped right behind their seats, pulling a red-brown strand out of her face and glaring furiously at Josh, yet not Tyler. The brunette sighed; she really did seem unprofessional for a nurse.

"Am I really going to have to get you another new roommate?" she hissed so only the two could hear. Both boys furrowed their brows in confusion. She rolled her eyes, gesturing to Josh in a way that looked like she was about to slap him, but then decided against it last second. "Seriously? Josh, you can't do this again."

"Do what?"

"This!" she gestured towards Tyler this time; the two men looked at each other, both sharing a knowing look that told the other that they both thought Debby was a bit of a nut. "I told them that your violence was going down, and now it looks like you're gonna try to crush Taylor's skull in." Tyler frowned at that.

Josh narrowed his eyes, a puzzled expression still evident all over his features. "First, It's Tyler, Two- What're you talking about?" he hissed. "This? This isn't violence, I'm squishing his cheeks together."

"Yeah, you said the same thing about stabbing someone with a plastic fork." Both Tyler and Josh rolled their eyes at hearing that. She mentioned Josh stabbing someone with a plastic fork almost every time they talked, and Tyler was getting sick of it. The first time he'd heard it, yeah, he was a bit nervous around Josh, but then he heard the whole story of how the guy he, according to Josh, 'violently poked' had been trying to steal his food. Overkill to stab his arm? Probably. But for all he knew, maybe it was just the heat of the moment.

"Look." Josh let go of Tyler's face, raising his arms like he was being held at gunpoint. "I don't have a plastic fork in my hand, and he would've been screaming if I was trying to crush his skull."

The woman squinted. She glared at Josh for a moment before rolling her eyes with a loud, dramatic sigh. "Fine." Usually, her and Josh seemed like they were close, but right now, they were acting like they were rivals. She pointed a thin finger accusingly at the boy. "If you hurt someone else, I'm not covering for you though."

"Fine," he mocked, earning a sharp glare from her. He chuckled, quickly shaking his head.   
  
A roll of the eyes was necessary. She turned to leave, patting Tyler's fluff of brown hair as she walked past. "Bye, Tanner."

"It's Tyler," the brunette grumbled underneath his breath, reaching up and mussing up his hair. He looked to Josh who looked like an angry child. "She's got issues." He was joking of course, but something did seem- off about her. She came over to their table for barely a minute to try to get Josh in trouble and then just left. Worst of all, she still couldn't remember Tyler's name.

Josh snickered. "We're ones to talk." He reached over, bringing Tyler's plate closer to him and cutting a small piece. "Open." Tyler hesitatingly opened his mouth, and Josh fed him the petite piece of meatloaf.

The brunette wrinkled his nose, chewing and swallowing hard. At first, Josh's face fell; he thought the boy didn't like it. Then he spoke up. "She'll probably yell at you for stabbing my mouth with a fork." He giggled a bit at that, Josh just smiling as he cut another piece. "She always acts like she wants to get you in trouble."

"She doesn't," Josh promise, having Tyler open his mouth once more as he gently fed him another piece. A smirk spread over his facial features. "She's just jealous of you."

Tyler frowned. He could assume why. Josh and Debby probably had a fling is what he was thinking. It was a possibility, and it would sure make a lot of sense. He scrunched up his nose, looking to Josh in confusion. "I thought you were gay."

"That's why she's jealous." Josh smiled, winking at the brunette. Tyler grinned, but more out of just going along with it than actually understanding what was going on as the older fed him yet another piece. 

Tyler chewed, swallowing and he didn't even realize that they were getting some weird glances. He looked around, noticing in particular a woman who was looking at them scornfully. He sighed, fixing his gown that he'd let ride up and hesitantly looking back at Josh. They'd gotten distracted on their original subject. He'd also gotten distracted from his sadness. A smile crept over his features; at least being goofy was a way he could drown out his thoughts. 

"Yeah, I noticed that," Josh murmured, eyeing Tyler with a hint of distaste from underneath his eyelashes as he took a bite from his own meatloaf.

The brunette's face flushed red; his fingers played with the hem of his gown as he had a pretty good idea of what Josh was referring to. But he played dumb anyways. "What?"

Josh took a moment, straightening his posture, fork in one hand while the other tapped a bit harshly at Tyler's now covered thigh. The brunette squeaked, wrinkling his nose and shooting the blue-haired boy a glare which just made him laugh. "Oh, c'mon, Ty." He rolled his eyes. "You wanted me to do that, don't even give me shit about it."

"Said who?"

"Said your constant looking to make sure I could see your fucking thigh."

Tyler shoved at Josh's arm, only making the older laugh harder that time. The brunette wouldn't admit it, but he did find it pretty amusing. He sighed, loudly and dramatically to once again gain Josh's full focus. He smiled, but it would've been a lot prettier had he not had purple bags underneath his eyes. Josh interjected before he could say anything, unexpectedly shoving a bite-sized piece of meatloaf in his mouth when he'd was about to talk. The older didn't always know what was on Tyler's mind, no. He couldn't just guess immediately that he wasn't feeling well, but it's a pretty obvious alarm when someone's taking risks that're unlike their personality and when they look like they haven't slept for two years.

"So what's with the whole hooker act?" Josh spoke up as Tyler was silenced for a quick second. He quirked a brow. "If you're seriously sure about it, I can help you out. You don't need to do whatever is you were just trying to do."

Embarrassment swirled in Tyler's gut at that. He didn't know how to seduce another man; who could blame him if he didn't do it right? He'd never been in a situation before when he'd been so desperate as to seduce anyone actually; usually it was the other way around. Besides, in his marriage it was casual to just ask for something like that and get it, but now he didn't know where he'd get any of that from anyone other than Josh; how was he supposed to know what turned the boy on?

"No no, it's not-" the younger male took a sharp breath. "It's not that. I mean it is, but it's not." Josh raised his brows, his eyelids heavy and his expression show nothing other than what Tyler could explain as annoyance. So he explained. "It's not that I don't want it. I do, I really do, but it's not just it. There's these depressive moods and- And I just want a distraction." He paused, looking up from where he'd been staring at the floor and into Josh's dark mocha eyes. "Y'know?"

Josh sighed, smiling sweetly as he fed Tyler another piece. The brunette was beginning to think Josh just thought he was a toddler who couldn't eat without making a mess. "Y'know what's a good way to get rid of depression?"

Tyler's mind was reminded of the similar question Josh'd asked when they first met. He shrugged, swallowing hard. "Making snowflakes with you?"

"Close." 

"Then what is it?"

Josh held up a finger, signally him to wait as he looked to the side. Tyler followed his gaze, curious as to what he was looking for until he caught sight of a particular nurse with auburn hair. Before the brunette could ask a question, he felt the sides of his face being cupped, squished ever so slightly like before, only the prior time Josh's lips weren't on his. His eyes went wide, but quickly shut as he forced himself to withhold a smile and kiss back. There was taste of barbecue on both of their lips from the meatloaf, but neither of the men cared. Tyler tried to savor every second, hell, even every nanosecond. Just how their mouths moved together in sync once the pressure of Josh cupping his cheeks was loosened was enough for the brunette; it was a funny sensation of feeling Josh's stubble gently scratch against his own. 

Maybe men did have better lips. He wouldn't describe Josh's as softer than his now ex's, but they were smooth, gentle, and that's all he could really ask for. The thought that he was kissing another of the same gender didn't even bother him; that made everything seem relaxed.

If Debby's second time that day shouting Josh's name angrily was enough to go by, this wasn't just Tyler's crazed delusions getting the best of him for the second time in his life. She was standing right behind their chairs, like last time, but Josh didn't pull away, so neither did Tyler. She rolled his eyes, sighing in annoyance as she grabbed Tyler's shoulders and yanked him back. The brunette yelped, throwing a glare Debby's way as Josh looked proud of himself. Tyler didn't know if he should be upset that this seemed like a ploy to annoy the nurse or if he should be shouting to the world that he finally kissed his hot roommate. 

"What the fuck you two?" she hissed, hands on her hips as she pushed a strand of hair away from her face. "I really don't care, but Jesus, do you have to do that here?"

"Why do you sound like you care?" Josh spat, actually sounding a bit irritated. Tyler furrowed his brows, narrowing his chocolate hues as he stared at the man he'd just kissed with confusion. Hadn't he just done all of that to annoy Debby? Or was he trying to make sure she wasn't looking? He didn't know. 

"Because you're both going to get kicked out of your rooms if they find out you're acting like this!"

Josh made a shooing motion with his hand, just staring at Tyler with a dull look in his eyes as if he'd heard this a million times. Tyler hoped that wasn't the case either. That Josh was just a player who fucked every roommate he ever had until the left and he moved onto the next one. She groaned exasperatedly, looking as if she was going to pull her hair out of the messy bun before Josh spoke up again. "Can you do me one, little, little favor?" he murmured, acting as if it was a secret as he held his fingers up to show how small of a favor.

The redhead looked to him dully, crossing his arms and popping her hipbone out as she waited for Josh to continue.

"Get us condoms."

Debby wrinkled her nose, pretending to gag as Tyler just looked uncomfortable. Yeah, he wanted sex. Or at least he had a moment ago. But now he didn't want it. He hated himself for being fickle, but Josh'd just proved to him that sex wasn't the only thing that could distract him. 

The woman pointed to Josh accusingly, furrowing her brows and lowering her voice. "I'll only get you lube and condoms if you promise not to make out in the cafeteria again."

"Deal." 

Debby sighed, giving them a thumbs up and Tyler could swear he heard her giggle and saw her wink at them before she turned to walk off. Another strange encounter with Josh's only other friend, all within such a short time.

The two boy's looked to each other; Tyler'd never been more glad that they were sitting all alone for once. He gulped, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment. "We're not actually gonna-"

"Relax, Ty, I was just trying to mess with her." Josh smiled softly, reaching over to ruffle Tyler's hair. The boy snickered at that. "We're not doing that til' you're ready."

Tyler rolled his eyes, tapping his index finger impatiently on the table. "Yeah, yeah, you've told me a million times."

The older raised a brow, snickering deviously. "I thought you wanted to wait?"

"It changes every minute," Tyler deadpanned.

There was a moment of silence as the two stared, Tyler hunched over the table with his chin resting on the surface as Josh just kinda sat there beside him. The boy with the aqua hair sighed, playing with his sleeve as he began to speak again. "You know, your lips were soft."

Tyler grinned softly, his eyelids all of a sudden very heavy. He was tired; it felt like someone had attached weights to his eyelashes and he hadn't even noticed it until a few moment ago. A yawn passed through his lips, making Josh look rather uncomfortable for some reason. He chuckled quietly, dark and tired eyes looking up to the other. So far, his psyche ward experience had been anything but normal."Yours weren't half bad either."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit iffy on this chapter  
> thank you all again for the kudos and comments!  
> I've said it once and I'll say it again  
> it really does inspire me  
> so thank you all for the feedback  
> i love it  
> I thrive off of it to write pretty much


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